Good sex makes us feel like we can do anything so we make sure to keep our bodies in top sexing form, because a sexual disorder can strike without much warning, and really get in the way of a good time.
Every once in a while, our body decides not to cooperate during sex. We're not talking about not being able to get it up or finishing too soon. Those would be welcomed problems compared to four hour boners and semen going the wrong way down the penis highway.
Here are 5 bizarre sexual disorders that you probably don't have; so be thankful.
Medical Definition: Sleep sex, or sexsomnia, is a sexual disorder in which a person will engage in sexual acts while still asleep.
In Other Words: Your eyes are closed, you're snoring, and you're missing all of the fun. Sexsomnia is a disorder where sufferers engage in sexual acts during non-REM sleep, usually with no memory of it in the morning.
The worst part: Not only are these poor souls missing out on all of the fun, but sexsomniacs usually also suffer from bouts of sleepwalking, night terrors, bed wetting and sleep apnea. Single file, ladies!
Medical Definition: Priapism is a potentially painful sexual disorder in which the erect penis does not return to its flaccid state, despite the absence of both physical and psychological stimulation, within four hours.
In Other Words: All boner, all the time. Now, don't get us wrong; erections are one of our favorite things, but they also stop normal blood flow, which is why they go away when we are done with them. No blood flow to an organ causes it to fall off, and we'd like to avoid that, thanks.
The worst part: Sending mixed signals. We use our erections as a communication tool; and we'd rather not be "communicating" with the dude next to us in the locker room.
Medical Definition: Coital cephalalgia is a rare type of severe headache that occurs at the base of the skull before orgasm during sexual activity.
In Other Words: Just before the best feeling in the world, your skull suddenly feels like it's been ripped open by a pack of zombie wolves. Commonly referred to as "sex headaches," coital cephalalgia is a rare syndrome where blinding pain occurs at the base of the skull just before orgasm. It can happen during sex and masturbation. Oh weird; our girlfriend has this, but it always happens before sex.
The worst part: The whole thing. The whole thing is the worst.
Medical Definition: Retrograde ejaculation is a sexual disorder that occurs when semen, which would normally be ejaculated via the urethra, is redirected to the urinary bladder.
In Other Words: Backwards orgasms. We're hard-working dudes, and we like to see results, so this sounds pretty anti-climactic. Plus, a well-functioning body ejaculates through the urethra because it is the path of least resistance, and the other way sounds painful, albeit pregnancy-proof.
The worst part: "No honey, I really did! I don't know where it went!"
Medical Definition: Phimosis is a condition where the foreskin of a penis cannot be fully retracted to reveal the penis, limiting exposure and thus sensitivity.
In Other Words: The Greek word phimos means "muzzle," and that's a pretty good explanation of what this disorder makes your junk look like. While this is normal up until adolescence, one of the only good parts about puberty is that -- even if we can't really control our genitals yet-- they start to feel a lot more awesome.
The worst part: Not feeling pretty.