The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
5 Dirty Songs Every Dude Needs in His Music Library
A man thinks about sex every six seconds. A man sings about sex every twenty seconds. Neither of those statements can be verified. Let's assume they are true.
How to Be a ‘Beta Male’ — With Comedian Kumail Nanjiani
Kumail Nanjiani is more than fine with never being the person in charge.
12 Bulls**t Lines People Use During Break-ups — And What They Actually Mean
Yesterday, I overheard one dude-bro discussing with another dude-bro his flatlining relationship and the correct procedure to "dump the nut job."
6 Ways to Use Your Mom to Pick Up Women
Every dating website will preach the importance of a "wing man." Wing men are overrated. Wing women are the key to sex-cess.
BREAKING NEWS: Kate Upton Spotted Wearing a White Bikini and Events Like This Make Us Miss Walter Cronkite
Did you know Kate Upton is filming a movie in the Hamptons with Mrs. Judd Apatow and the girl who really hasn't done much since 'The Mask' but once got Ben Stiller's sperm in her hair?
Candy Company Offers Breast Milk Flavored Lollipops — Makes For Great Treat After Therapy
The award-winning gourmet lollipop company, Lollyphile, has never been afraid to experiment with off-the-wall flavors. Four years ago, the "adult candy company" started producing absinthe-flavored suckers just before the absinthe ban was lifted...
Sign the Petition to Make May 20th ‘National Macho Man Randy Savage Day’
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space!" - Macho Man Randy Savage Everyday, in the United States, we celebrate a national "something" day. There is a National Pancake Day because we're all fat. There is National Donut Day because...wait explained that. It's absurd. It's time for a holiday that celebrates one of our national treasures -- Randy 'Macho
A Review of Taco Bell’s Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos
Taco Bell has been an integral block of my food pyramid for almost two decades. Here is where things get a little odd though -- rarely do I stray from the regular. In the beginning the order was always the same -- three Soft Taco Supremes and three regular crunchy tacos -- with an occasional Grilled Stuft Burrito with beef. Boring but always delivered.
Does this Russian Mail Order Bride Look Like Kate Upton?
Meet Ania, a beautiful young girl who splits her time between Vancouver (not that Vancouver) and Moscow.
Vontae Davis Breaks NFL Rule and Blames ‘Hackers’
Vontae Davis of the Indianapolis Colts knows how to play defense. Vontae Davis does not know the rules of the NFL in regard to free agency and tampering, how hacking works, the rules of capitalization and that Twitter has a delete function...